The 9 Critical Skills of Exceptional Leaders
- Marc Ayala
- Mar 10
- 10 min read
Leadership is an abstract idea. It is something that seems to be a character trait that people are born with. You might come across someone that is described as a “natural leader.” While there are certainly people that are naturally gifted in this area, leadership is not something that you need to be born good at. At its core, leadership is a set of skills that can be learned and honed through practice and repetition.
So what makes a good leader? In this post, we’ll look at the 9 Critical Skills exhibited by the Exceptional leaders in our lives. While this is a subjective list based on my own experiences, it is certainly not all encompassing. I encourage you to read and digest this list. Consider how it applies to your own leadership journey, and what you would change.
Listening
Great leaders don’t just hear; they listen. Truly listening means setting aside your own thoughts, resisting the urge to formulate a response while the other person is speaking, and ensuring you fully understand what’s being said.
One of the most effective techniques to improve listening is repeating for clarity. Before responding, restate what the other person has said in your own words:
“If I understand correctly, you’re saying that…”
This simple step confirms understanding and makes the speaker feel heard. When people feel understood, trust is built, and communication becomes more meaningful.
Another powerful technique is pausing before responding. Silence is a leadership superpower. Instead of rushing to reply, take a moment to consider what’s been said. That pause not only shows respect but also helps you form a more thoughtful, impactful response.
Leaders who master listening create stronger teams, make better decisions, and foster a culture where people feel valued.
Team Building
Exceptional leaders know how to bring people together. They craft team identity on the foundation of an idea bigger than themselves.
Team Building is closely related to Trust. In order to build effective teams, the members of that team must trust one another. There is no trust without first displaying Vulnerability.
One of the best ways to create Vulnerability and Trust is at offsite events. I’m reminded of an opportunity I had several years ago to take my team to a famous golf resort when we were all in town for an industry seminar. Over the course of 2 days, we broke down the barriers often found in the corporate setting.
I remember one of the most memorable sessions we had was when I asked each member of the team to tell us about something they were afraid of. When you pour out your deepest fears, anxieties, hopes, and dreams in front of one another, the seeds of trust are born.
Over time, that team became as close as any I’ve been a part of before or since. Those guys would do anything for one another. As their leader, they knew I had their back - and they had mine.
Of course you don’t need an offsite at a famous golf resort to do Team Building, but you do need Trust and Vulnerability.
Empathy
One of the fantastic lessons I learned from one of my professional mentors was, “Don’t deal in absolutes.”
When you get frustrated watching your team show up late over and over again, its tempting to make grandiose proclamations like “The next person that shows up late gets their pay docked 20%!” That’ll teach ‘em, right?
That sounds great, but Murphy’s Law says that the next person to show up late is guaranteed to be your best performer - for perfectly legitimate reasons.
My mentor’s advice still rings true: “Don’t forget that your team is comprised of people.” People go through tough times.
Your people have toddlers at home smearing chocolate sauce on the TV.
Your people have dogs that eat entire bags of Halloween candy and need emergency surgery.
Your people lose close friends in fatal car accidents.
Your people have their marriages end unexpectedly in divorce.
Your people have underlying medical conditions that they’d rather not tell you about.
Your people have aging parents battling a terminal illness.
Your people are battling mental illness or have a family member that is.
Empathy is the ability to sense the feelings of others and adjust our attitudes and actions accordingly. Note that it is not sympathy, which is feeling sorry for someone. Empathy is the ability to apply The Golden Rule: Treat others as you would like to be treated.
A simple technique you can use to display empathy, is to ask a simple question: “Are you ok?” You may get a verbal response that everything is fine, but watch the nonverbal cues as they say it.
Good leaders know how to say yes when an employee in crisis asks for time off. Great leaders see it and send the employee home. Exceptional leaders engage with their employees, offer support & resources, and check up on them.
Courage
As a former military pilot I often faced moments where my courage was tested. Courage isn’t the absence of fear but the ability to take action in the face of uncertainty, adversity, or resistance. Whether it’s making a tough decision, advocating for a bold vision, or standing by your principles when it’s unpopular, courage sets leaders apart.
You don’t need to be deployed to a warzone to exhibit courage. As leaders, we often face moments that test our resolve. Perhaps it’s delivering difficult feedback, taking responsibility for a mistake, or championing change that disrupts the status quo. In these moments, courage fuels progress and builds trust. When leaders show courage, they inspire their teams to act with confidence and resilience.
Courage in leadership takes many forms:
Courage to Decide – Making tough calls even when the outcome isn’t guaranteed.
Courage to Innovate – Challenging the “way it’s always been done” to unlock new opportunities.
Courage to Support – Standing up for your team and their potential, even when others doubt.
Courage to Admit – Owning mistakes and learning from them without fear of judgment.
Leadership courage is contagious. When you take risks, your team learns to embrace challenges. When you stand firm in your values, your organization aligns behind a shared purpose. And when you act with authenticity, you empower others to do the same.
To grow as leaders, we must strengthen our courage like a muscle. Start with small acts—speak up, challenge an assumption, or try something new. Over time, those small steps compound into transformational leadership.
Delegation
Delegation is more than just assigning tasks—it’s about empowering others to step into their potential while freeing yourself to focus on the bigger picture. Exceptional leaders understand that their success isn’t measured by how much they can do alone, but by how effectively they can enable their teams to achieve.
In a previous role, I famously told a team of direct reports of mine that I had given a very complex task, “I trust you to fail.” They looked at me quizzically, and I explained. “That’s right. I have complete faith and trust in your abilities. In fact, I have so much trust in you that even if you are unsuccessful, I know that you will learn something and be better for it the next time.” The team responded and delivered one of our most memorable victories.
“I trust you to fail.”
Here’s what effective delegation looks like:
Trust the Process – Delegation starts with trust. Recognize the strengths and capabilities of your team members, and assign tasks that align with their skills and aspirations. Trust empowers people to take ownership and deliver their best.
Be Clear on Expectations – Effective delegation isn’t just handing off work; it’s setting clear expectations. Define the scope, goals, timeline, and guardrails. Provide the “what” and “why,” but let your team determine the “how.”
Let Go of Perfection – Delegation requires leaders to accept that things may not be done exactly as they would do them—and that’s okay. What matters is the result, not micromanaging every detail.
Support, Don’t Overstep – Delegating doesn’t mean disappearing. Be available for guidance, but avoid hovering. Give your team the confidence to succeed and the space to learn from mistakes. When they do come to you for help, demonstrate your trust by asking them, “What do you think?”
Celebrate Success and Growth – When you delegate, you not only create outcomes—you develop people. Celebrate both their accomplishments and the growth that comes with new responsibilities.
The ability to delegate effectively is what separates good leaders from exceptional ones. It transforms individual performance into collective success, enabling teams to operate at their highest potential. By letting go, you create room for others to grow—and for you to focus on what only you, as the leader, can do.
Service
Great leadership isn’t about authority; it’s about service. Among the 9 Critical Skills of Exceptional Leaders, Service Before Self stands out as a defining trait that separates good leaders from truly exceptional ones.
Putting service before self means leading with purpose, prioritizing the mission over personal gain, and putting people first. It’s about making decisions that benefit the greater good—even when they come at a personal cost. This mindset fosters trust, loyalty, and a culture of excellence within teams and organizations.
There is perhaps no greater example of Selfless Service than the passengers onboard Flight 93 who on September 11th foiled the hijacking and the subsequent attack on the US Capitol. In the moments before they assaulted the hijackers in the cockpit they galvanized the rest of us with their legendary call to action, “Let’s Roll!”
You don’t have to be a survivor of a terrorist attack to exhibit selfless leadership. Leaders who embrace service before self:
✅ Inspire and empower those around them
✅ Create environments where people feel valued and motivated
✅ Build lasting influence based on integrity and commitment
In today’s fast-paced world, where self-interest often overshadows collective success, leaders who put service first drive real, meaningful change.
Gratitude
Great leaders don’t just push for results—they recognize and celebrate them. Gratitude is a force multiplier in leadership. It transforms culture, strengthens teams, and fuels motivation.
Too often, leaders focus solely on the next challenge, the next milestone, the next goal. But exceptional leaders make it a priority to pause and appreciate the people who make success possible. They understand that recognition isn’t a luxury—it’s a necessity.
One of the things I’ve always done, is hand write thank you cards and send them to people in the mail. In this era of infinite emails and text messages, a handwritten note communicates to the individual that they were worth a little extra time and effort.
Here’s what gratitude in leadership looks like:
✅ Celebrating victories, big and small – Acknowledging wins keeps teams energized and engaged. Recognition isn’t just for the finish line; it’s for every step forward.
✅ Consistent appreciation – A one-time “thank you” is nice, but ongoing, genuine appreciation fosters long-term loyalty and commitment.
✅ Personalized recognition – Everyone values appreciation differently. Some prefer public praise, while others value a private word of encouragement. Exceptional leaders take the time to know what matters to their people.
✅ Leading by example – When leaders express gratitude, they set the tone for the entire organization, creating a culture where appreciation is the norm, not the exception.
Gratitude isn’t just about making people feel good—it’s about building stronger, more resilient teams. When people feel valued, they invest more of themselves into their work.
Communication
Great leaders aren’t just experts in their field—they’re masters of communication. Whether they’re delivering a keynote, leading a team meeting, or having a one-on-one conversation, their ability to articulate ideas with clarity and confidence defines their impact.
At the heart of great communication is Executive Presence—the ability to command a room, inspire trust, and deliver a message that resonates. Exceptional leaders don’t just relay information; they connect with their audience. One of the most powerful ways they do this? Storytelling.
A well-told story transforms abstract concepts into relatable experiences. It draws people in, making even the most complex ideas easy to understand. Stories engage emotions, inspire action, and leave a lasting impression far beyond a slide deck of data. As a former military pilot, I often used my flying stories as metaphors for problems in the corporate world.
But communication isn’t just about the big moments on stage. One-on-one conversations are just as critical. The best leaders know that a message that lands with one person might not resonate with another. That’s why they adapt their communication style—whether speaking with a frontline employee, an executive peer, or a customer. They adjust their tone, depth of detail, and approach based on the individual’s background, personality, and perspective.
Being an exceptional communicator means more than just speaking well—it means being understood. It’s about clarity, connection, and adaptability. Mastering this skill separates good leaders from truly exceptional ones.
Integrity
We conclude the Critical Skills of Exceptional Leaders with Integrity. It’s been saved for last intentionally because in the journey of leadership, integrity stands as the cornerstone of trust and respect. It’s the unwavering commitment to uphold moral and ethical principles, even when faced with adversity. As Thomas S. Monson wisely counseled, “May we ever choose the harder right instead of the easier wrong.”
A recent, poignant example of integrity in leadership is the dismissal of General Charles Q. “CQ” Brown Jr. from his position as Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. General Brown, the second African American to hold this esteemed role, was known for his steadfast dedication to the mission and his unwavering commitment to put people first within the military. Whether you agree with his choices or not, he remained committed to his principles, exemplifying the essence of choosing the harder right.
This event underscores a vital lesson for all leaders: standing up for what is right may come with sacrifice, but as the adage goes, “You’ll never regret doing the right thing.” Upholding integrity fosters a culture of trust and sets a powerful example for others to follow. By contrast, when you cave to pressure from peers or superiors, your organization takes note that its ok to compromise your values for personal, political, or company gain. Once you have compromised your integrity, it may take years to regain the trust and respect of the organization you lead - if you’re lucky.
The journey towards integrity, starts with self- reflection. What are your personal values? What are the core beliefs that you cannot compromise under any circumstances? Does your organization or team you serve subscribe to these same beliefs? Only you can answer these questions, but the answers could define you for a lifetime. General Brown leaves behind a legacy of integrity, and the US Military will be better for him having taken a stand.
As we conclude the critical skills of exceptional leaders, let us remember that while skills can be developed, integrity is a choice—one that defines our character and legacy.
Conclusion
These 9 skills can certainly be implemented individually, but truly exceptional leaders apply them in aggregate. Together they form a blueprint for leaders to utilize in the formation of a team, the execution of a specific plan, or over the course of a career.
The 9 Step blueprint to Exceptional Leadership:
Start by Listening
Trust via Team Building
Take it deeper by demonstrating Empathy
Show Courage to galvanize your team
Expand your reach through Delegation
Service shows your team its about them
Express Gratitude and Appreciation for success
Communicate, Communicate, Communicate
Integrity is a fortress to be protected at all costs
If you need help working on any of these skills or would like to further your leadership journey, I’d love to walk alongside you.
Marc is the President & Founder of Second in Command Aviation Consulting. He is a former military pilot, sales executive for a Fortune 500 Aerospace & Defense company, and a leadership coach.
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